Eight Days

With the Iowa Caucuses now a mere eight days away, it is certain that we will receive many more phone calls like the one we received on Christmas Eve that begins with

Them: "Hi, I'm Susy Sunshine and I'm a volunteer for Senator Parasite. Do you know who you'll be caucusing for?
Me: John Edwards
Them: "John Edwards? Did you know that Senator Parasite is for free chocolate and eternal youth? John Edwards voted against free chocolate.
Me: Well, that is something to consider, but I'm still committed to John Edwards.
Them: Can you tel me why?
Me: I like his health care plan, his energy plan, his plan to combat global climate change, the fact that he's against nuclear power plants and for more renewable, sustainable options, that his plan to end the war in Iraq is thoughtful, and he has a ten year plan to end poverty and strengthen the middle class.
Them: Oh--but he's against free chocolate.
Me: I can live with that. Thanks for calling.
Them: So can I say that you are leaning for Senator Para..(click).

It also means we are likely to get calls like this:

"Hi, I'm a famous celebrity who supports Congressman Fudge Factor. I hope you will join me in supporting Congressman Factor because he is for (fill in three issues here). I hope you will caucus for Congressman Factor on (fill in the date and time) at (fill in the precinct location). Because I'm a famous celebrity and you like me, I know you'll join me and vote for Congressman Factor."

Finally, it will mean we will all get mail like this:

America has a Chinchilla problem. Thousands of undocumented Chinchillas are crossing our borders every day. Governor Freeloader has a 12-step program to stop the spread of Chinchillas. *
*This advertisement was paid for by Americans 4 Freedom But Not 4 Chinchillas, a non-partisan organization that does not endorse candidates, but we really like Governor Freeloader a lot."

On the other hand, if you are not sure who you are caucusing for, you've only got eight days to inform yourself--follow the advice of the local progressive issues group The 49 and Pay Attention.